In 1996 after 25 years of marriage my wife and family finally got fed up with me and left. Not only left, but had me charged with crimes and had an order from the court preventing me from contacting them.
In 1998 I found myself single, living alone, and court ordered to attend AA. What a joke! I had always provided financial support for my family, I still had my own home, I didn’t sip cheap wine from a bottle in a brown paper bag and live under a bridge like an alcoholic, why did the whole world seem to be focused on making my life miserable?
But, attending one AA meeting a week was a lot better than the alternative – being locked up in jail.
So on March 13,1998 (a friday, the last possible meeting to comply with the court order) I went to my first AA meeting. I was shocked to find a couple old drunks I knew from the past sitting there. Not only there, but sober for years! And happy!!!
I sat and listened to the shares, was baffled and amazed by how similar their stories sounded to mine when it came to alcohol, but all the time thankful I wasn’t an alcoholic. I was ready to admit sometimes I did over-indulge a bit, but I had it under control. After the meeting I went to the bar to have a couple drinks and socialize with my friends.
Next morning I awakened and as usual I went to the window to be sure my truck was in the driveway because I had no memory of what happened after those first few drinks last night. Oh well, it didn’t really matter. Today was the day I was going to abstain from alcohol!
Went to the kitchen, fixed my morning coffee and had a few sips. Then, as usual, my stomach began to rumble and I had to run for the bathroom and vomit. Back to the kitchen, got the whiskey from the freezer and had a sip (about a water glass full) to settle my stomach, then drink the morning coffee. Oh no, now I’ve drank alcohol today! Oh well, I can quit tomorrow!
On Tuesday March 17, 1998 I went to my second AA meeting. The discussion was interesting. Again I was amazed by how similar their stories sounded to mine. I was intrigued by their solution to the problem, and how well it seemed to work for them. There they sat, years without alcohol, happy and content, great for them! Thank goodness I’m not one of them!
Went home and decided to have a beer so I could think about what had been said at the meeting. Drank that beer and went to get another. OH NO! My last one! Checked the freezer to be sure that fifth of whiskey was there. OH NO! Empty! PANIC!!!
I have to get to the liquour store before it closes! Grabbed my jacked and headed out the door. When my hand grasped the knob it was like the old light bulb illuminating you see in cartoons! Mike! YOU ARE POWERLESS!!!!!
I was suddenly aware! I was one of them! Powerless over alcohol! A drunk! A real alcoholic! I remembered the readings. I had just worked step one! I was admitting I was powerless over alcohol, and could not manage my life when it came to controlling my drinking!
I hit my knees, prayed to Creator for help, and to make a long story short, have not had a drink of alcohol since. I got a sponsor, worked all 12 steps in order, and my life has been so vastly improved it’s unbelievable!
Today, I’m happliy married to my second wife, our son is in the US Marines and has made us both proud. The past 22 years sober have been wonderful. The God of my understanding has provided what I needed every step of the way. Not always what I wanted, but always what I needed!
Thinking back over those years, I believe I’ll let God have the controls again today and just sit back and enjoy the ride! Thanks for listening.
Mike C.