Our Family is Healed with the 12 Steps…
I am on the Al-Anon side of my relationship. My husband and I had been together for well over 25 years when our lives began a serious downward trend of arguments, loud voices, and lots of unhappy anger. We were definitely “pulling apart,” and we could not seem to find anything positive to hang on to.
We had moved to Florida for my husband to start a really good, new job in 2008. However, after 3 short years, the company had large scale lay-offs, and he was one of the “cuts.” We had just bought a house in the Clermont, FL, area, and we wanted to try to stay… even though our children and both of our extended families all lived in other states, and our friends were in Georgia.
Money was extremely tight, and in 2015 both of our mothers passed away within 2 months’ time. We both struggled with trying to know if we should stay in Florida. My husband had a series of low-paying, unfulfilling jobs, and I continued to work from home for the collection agency that I had worked with for many years.
Our relationship was not good, and we were both very unhappy.
My husband started to have symptoms of vomiting, not being able to take his regular medications, not being able to eat, sleeping way more than in the past, and easily getting agitated and angered. I reacted to each of these symptoms by trying to “fix him” and just nagging, in general. I sought counseling, and he went to all kinds of specialists, including having a brain scan and undergoing extensive psychological testing. Nothing seemed to help!
In April of 2016, he fell out of our attic and injured his coccyx. The Dr. prescribed pain meds, which just made him sleep even more. He was in and out of several jobs, and I wanted to leave. However, I knew that he was sick and that something was seriously wrong. He just was not thriving, and I was determined to get him well! I would not leave him when he was so sick.
Instead of the pain medication, he began to discover that a “sip” or two of vodka would ease his pain and enable him to just barely get by. Not having any experience with alcoholics in my background, I was naive as to what was happening. I was just getting more and more angry.
I knew that he often “sounded like he was drinking,” but he denied that he was whenever I asked him. We were BOTH in complete denial! I was not connecting the dots, so to speak, and he was obviously having a LOT more “sips” than he was admitting even to himself.
In July, 2016, he was pulled over by the police on his way home from work. When he told them that he was diabetic, they immediately rushed him to the hospital. I was called to the hospital, and I found him in the ER… restrained. I argued with the doctors that he was experiencing “keto-acidosis” due to his diabetes. He stayed the night in the hospital, but he, miraculously, did not get a DUI.
When he tells this story, he will say that he was determined to take no more “sips.” I was determined to not raise my voice at him, and I made myself leave the house and drive down to the lake whenever my voice began to escalate.
Three weeks later, he drove home from work in a black out, and had no memory of getting home. That was the worst night of my life, when I prayed for God to tell me what to do. Something major HAD to change! In the morning, he told me, and I, simultaneously told him that he would find an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
He had been in Al-Anon with a former wife many years ago, and he KNEW that “social drinkers” do not black out. He had crossed the line. So he began the Alcoholics Anonymous program on August 16, 2016, and has not had a drink since.
After visiting several meeting rooms, he selected a “home”, got a sponsor, and immediately began working the 12 steps towards his recovery.
I met the wife of his sponsor, and she encouraged me to begin attending Al-Anon meetings… which I did. I then selected her to be my sponsor, and I started to work my own 12 step recovery process.
It has been a wonderful journey of growth for BOTH of us!
Mike attends meetings 5 nights a week, and I go with him 3 or 4 nights a week. We BOTH have our own programs, but we understand how it works for the other one, and we support and lift each other up to grow steadily towards God’s will for us.
Thank you, God, for bringing us to the 12 Steps of Recovery through Alcoholics Anonymous! Our relationship has been healed, and we are happier together than we have ever been. We now try to share our experience, strength, and hope whenever God calls us to do so.