I drank too much! My life and others lives around me got really messed up. God intervened and led me to A.A.
Today with many days of sobriety behind me, I am a new person… and I am a grateful alcoholic.
I don’t remember my first drink but I do remember my first drunk. My brothers and some friends and I were ice skating at the lake near our house in the mountains of eastern Pennsylvania. I was 9 years old and I drank down 3 cans of beer, went into a blackout, threw up, and figured I had a great time.
I was next to the youngest of 7 children in a very small town where everyone knew each other. Our church seemed to be the center of our town and I was an alter boy who very quickly got into the church wine. Growing up in the late 50’s to 70’s, I jumped right into the hippie culture and did it all. By the time I was 16 I was a morning drinker and we always kept booze and pot in our school lockers.
I never got really good grades in school, did just enough to get by, but I was popular in that I was in the drama club and a musician in the school jazz band. After I graduated I went to New York City to study theatre with aspirations of working on stage. I studied at a school in the west village and boy I thought I had arrived.
My drinking and drugging never slowed down but just kept escalating. I worked as a waiter and bartender to pay for my schooling and always had access to any drink or drug I wanted. I met a lot of very famous people who took their craft serious and tried to help me along, but of course I got more into the glitter than the craft. Life was just one big party.
I auditioned for shows all over and eventually got on a road tour with a theatre company out of Dallas, Texas. They flew me down there and we rehearsed our shows in Dallas then took them on the road throughout the country. I did that from 1973 to 1984 and got into quite a few bad situations because of alcohol and drugs.
As I look back it is only by the grace of God that I am still alive.
In 1980 I was so out there mentally that I got in touch with A.A. and went to my first meeting with no intention of stopping, but I just wanted to control the drinking and slow down the drugs. I really believed A.A. was going to teach me how to do this. I went to meetings and continued to drink. They were very patient with me and just kept inviting me back.
Of course there was no control. I kept ending up in hospitals and rehabs and getting worse and worse. Finally a doctor came into one of the many hospital rooms I ended up in and said… look if you continue to live like this you will be dead in 4 months. I never forgot those words and I am glad I made a decision to live. I was to the point of drinking mouthwash and cold medicine while I was in rehabs just to keep a buzz going.
Only by the grace of God and the fellowship of A.A. have I been able to stay sober and contribute something positive to this world. I could go on for pages about the great experiences in A.A over the years.
Because of this fellowship I have a fabulous wife, two wonderful children and a grandson all of whom have never seen me drunk.
My sponsor has helped me so much and taught me to help others, and I have some very sober people I have sponsored. Of course there are people who I have helped who have not stayed sober, but I’ve learned that I can’t save the world. I don’t get people sober and I don’t get them drunk. All I can do is carry the message and pass on what was given to me.
The greatest thing A.A. has given me over the years besides a physically and mentally sober life, is my spiritual connection with God. My goal now is to get more and more spiritually healthy. The 12 steps of this fellowship can help me with that.
Believe me, looking back on my life, if I can do it anyone can.
Gratitude is everything!
I totally believe in our first tradition. Our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity. So keep coming back.
Thanks and God bless.